Thursday, February 11, 2010

Let's (Not) Have Lunch


I was a tag along yesterday for a miserable lunch. Ever meet somebody who just spews creepy stories? This older British gal next to me claimed the aisle seat in a booth because :
  • she might have spasms and will frighten everyone (because her hip surgery wasn't quite right.)
  • told how she'd been on a run away horse with her daughter beside her and their stirrups got twisted together right before they came to a fence.
  • told how another runaway horse threw her and she broke two vertebrae. (All these horses she owned.)
  • told all about her husband's experimental stem cell cancer treatment as they drained and refilled his body. (he was in the booth too.)
  • told how she and two other realtors got locked into a house by accident the day before and the other two realtors had accidents.
  • warned us that in Italy people come up behind you and slit your throat to get your wallet. (we're going there in two months.)
  • told how her disabled son liked to take his pants off in Harrod's and scream.
  • told me how and what to put in the decoy purse I had to carry in Italy for the pickpockets.
  • covered her ears at possibility of a dirty word as part of her story.
When the waitress came to ask how everything was, (after three out of our four had already sent back their fish and chips for being ice cold), I said "It's awful, it's terrible, it tastes like it was cooked last week and reheated many times." "Would you like a box for that?" the waitress asked.

I never complain about food at restaurants, only when I get home.

Today Dinah's horse had to have emergency colic surgery, and we couldn't locate Dinah. Major awful, but her horse came through it okay. Major awful.

My mother is still living on the S.S. Dementia. Today she said, "They can't decide whether this boat should go across the river or to Paris and back."

She said, "I like disciplined straight lines for everyday living, not for creative things, but for everyday living."

I told her I was going to visit her in about a month. She said, "Are you going to leave the baby in the nursery?"

10 comments:

Sam said...

Wow. What an awkward and yet funny day. Horses, no pants, and stem cell research this and that. Almost evry person will experience that day at least one day in their lifetime. Not yet, but it will. Oh, by the way, Happy Valentine's Day! Any chance of a Valentine's present to us and YouTube users? Sorry I'm practically begging, but the screenshots of Ducky and Chow Fun look so intresting on the site.
Cheers! SamtheCruikshankFan

Namowal said...

You mean you're not supposed to take your pants off at Harrods and scream?

It's weird how some people shovel drama at those they've just met. I guess they think "This makes me interesting" when. They should be thinking, "This makes other people seriously wonder what's going on"

Sorry to hear your mother is still on a "cruise". It's weird to have surreal conversations with your own mom. That I know.

Jane said...

Some days are best seen from the next one. And yesterday I came across the Valentine card you emailed a year or two ago. I printed, cut, and folded, and was delighted with my Sally valentine. So, thanks. It gave double duty pleasure turning up again.

Mars Tokyo said...

Wow! that's one hell of a day! it's no wonder you forgot to mention that all your crops withered on Farmville and your horses there went mad and ate your sheep!

stray said...

Wow. When people relentlessly tell weird stories, I start to wonder if they are really true. Funny about the waitress asking about boxing up the food (was she serious)? I hope your mom is enjoying the cruise at least sometimes.

Sally said...

hey Sam, your best shot at seeing the shorts is to buy the dvd!

Namowal, I'm working up my courage to place a call to the SS Dementia right now.

Jane, you're right. I was glad to get started on a new day today.

Mars, don't you feel like ripping Farmville up some days and just leaving a sign?

stray, the waitress was bewildered. It was her first day. There was sawdust on the floor. I think the woman was some kind of hysteric. She just piled on too many really awful awfuls.

Anonymous said...

i like your mother's design ideas. paris and back is better than crossing the river...katy

Linda said...

and to be PHYSICALLY TRAPPED in the booth by this person who insists on sitting on the outside makes it 10 times worse.

Mean Jean said...

Maybe people blurt out all the weird stuff they harbor in the tiny cracks of their gray matter out of panic/stress/intimidation? As in: I'm scared now and it's bringing up all the other crap that scares me. Regardless, it makes for a miserable present and a fun-to-talk-about-after-you've-survived-it episode. I think I might actually enjoy seeing somebody take off their pants in Harrod's. Down by the Diana/Dodie shrine, perhaps? It would take your mind off the sudden urge to gag at the smarminess.

Sally said...

Jean, I think that describes it exactly. I haven't been in London in so many years so didn't know about the shrine.